We were blessed this week by an Angel in Disguise who left a brand new in the box bassinet on the front porch to be discovered by my husband on his way out the door to work one morning. I will admit, I really wanted a bassinet and posted on facebook and in my Relief Society email list that I would like to borrow one for a few months. I never expected a brand new one to appear so mysteriously, and I don’t know who to thank personally, so this is my Thank You to the Angel in Disguise.
I am not even sure how to describe how much this bassinet means to me. The last year has been a rough one, it was a year ago today that we had a much anticipated 20 week ultrasound. Rebecca, Emily came with Brad and I, and we were all excited to find out if we were going to be adding another girl or boy to our family. Instead, we were devastated to learn that there was no heartbeat.
I felt so bad for my girls, especially Rebecca. She had been with me a year previously when at 11? weeks we discovered that there was no heartbeat. However, this time was much more shocking because, although I had my worries, I was sure everything was ok, because I had been feeling the baby move. Apparently what I had been feeling was a fetus floating around in amniotic fluid and bumping into me. Even with the understanding of the Gospel of Jesus Christ, and the understanding of Heavenly Father’s plan, the reality of life is shock, grief, pain and sorrow.
Overcoming that grief and facing a new pregnancy has been difficult. Kicks from the baby bring an assurance that she is still there and wanting to join our family, but the excitement of a new baby hasn’t come as easily as it has in the past. I have had to make a real effort to talk about the baby, to bond with her as she has grown and developed, and to find peace in my soul.
MaryAnn has been a real help in this, at 4 she doesn’t understand or remember that disappointment of last year, and she is genuinely excited to have a baby sister growing in Mom’s tummy (and a pretend one in her tummy). She loves to play with her baby dolls, and if I’m not careful she would take over all the furniture meant for my baby, so the bassinet is off limits to her babies, except for the little boxes underneath, they make great beds for her dolls.
I am so thankful to the Angel in Disguise who has presented this beautiful resting place for our new baby, for the peace and anticipation that it has helped to bring to my heart, for the reminder of the goodness of others, and the miracle of having babies.