A month ago I thought, how am I going to find the 15 minutes a day to read the scriptures, but now 30 minutes a day doesn't seem like enough time. I want to keep reading and studying.
I posted that thought on the LDSMOMED yahoo group and was asked how I got to that point. Although we've been taught for years that we need to read, and study, and pray every day it isn't just something you can decided to do, will-power doesn't seem to be enough. As I've thought about that I had to go back in time a few years. Life runs in cycles, sometimes I've been doing great spiritually, and then sometimes I'm down. I can see the cycles in my life now if I look back, but I can also see that it's not just a circle, it's more like an upward spiral. Each time I am up, I reach higher and deeper, and learn more, but then the fall comes, but I don't fall as far down as I was before, because I'm a different person than I was before. It is still difficult to climb off that plateau and get moving upward again, but once I've taken the first step, the 2nd and 3rd is much easier.
In 2006 I joined a yahoogroup called GCFHS were we began a serious study of the General Conference Issue of the Ensign and then discussed the insights that we gained. Although I haven't been real active in the discussion I have come to love General Conference and can't wait to get my Ensign to begin to study the words of the prophets. Even through my last downward spiral I kept up my reading of the Conference issue, even though scripture reading was quite lacking.
However, as I discovered this new group, and moved into a new year, it was exciting to once again begin the upward climb, and I can feel myself learning, and my testimony growing. The more I learn, the more I want to learn. I feel just like my Grandma when she said this week, "I've decided that what I want to do for eternity is read, and study, and learn."
I have no doubts that there won't be tough times ahead, and my studies will suffer, but I also know that I will be able to climb higher, and move closer to the Lord again as he teaches me the things that I need to know to return to live with him.