04 May 2012

Becoming . . . the Light

I am completely exhausted. I am not used to sitting in a chair listening to a speaker all day long. It has been a long time since high school for me. Being pregnant only adds to the difficulty. Luckily the girls let me come back to the hotel and take a nap while they watched a movie . . . but it is only 9ish and I am ready to call it a night.

I wish I could say that I was totally inspired by the messages that I head today, but in reality, I think am, more scared now than anything. Rebecca is ready for a scholar phase, and Emily is close behind, and i still haven't gotten myself a scholar phase, i'm just not prepared to be the mentor that they need from me.

I don't know that I want to be a leader. I don't want to be a mentor. Currently I don't feel like I have the energy to just be a wife and mother, let alone homeschool my kids.

I've had this quote on my desktop for a while now. I don't know where I found it, but it has seemed to define my life this last year.

"It is during our darkest moments that we must focus to see the light."

I've been struggling to see the light for the last year, I came to this conference hoping that I would recieve the inspiration that I needed to find the light, and not only to find it - but to really walk out into the light and bask in the light again.

I knew this weekend would be hard. I knew that physically it would be draining. I knew that mentally I would be overloaded. I also expected to come away inspired. I didn't expect to come away being challenged to do the hard things. Right now I just want to curl up in bed and sleep. Next week, I expect to sleep a lot to recover from this trip.

After that, I am going to have to dig deep, and find the strength I need to become a statewoman, a mentor, and a leader, I need to to become part of the light.

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